


The Scars We See, And Those We Cannot

by SaibraRutherford (ScottishVix)



Series: Once We Were [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety, Body Image, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 04:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7493442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScottishVix/pseuds/SaibraRutherford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen and Saibra trade the stories of their scars.</p><p>This comes between chapters 29 and 30 of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/6594430">Love in the Time of Corypheus</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scars We See, And Those We Cannot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SuzySue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzySue/gifts).



> For the very lovely [SuzySue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzySue/pseuds/SuzySue). Her story [Stability](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5887225) is one of my absolute favourites so please pop on over and check it out.
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

I felt myself flush self-consciously as I began to remove my armour, carefully placing each piece on the armour stand Saibra had insisted Josephine add to her rooms while we were away. She was watching me from the bed and, no matter how many times I had changed in front of her, I still felt embarrassed when I felt her eyes on me. 

I had just removed my undershirt when she shifted in bed, and I saw her grimace. She caught my eye and gave a rueful half smile. “There was a reason I didn’t go to Redcliffe with Cole.”

“Are you in pain?” I asked, gently. “Do you want me to use some of your lotion?”

“No to the first. Maker, yes to the second,” she smiled, rolling onto her stomach. 

“Just a moment,” I promised, slipping out of my leather breeches and into the soft cotton ones I wore to bed. I found where she had dumped her pack when she came in and rummaged through it until I found the small bottle labelled in Solas’ neat hand.

When I returned to the bed, Saibra was ready for me, right leg kicked out from under the blankets and extended to show the broad strip of puckered red skin that stretched the length of her thigh. It looked no better than it had when I had first watched Solas heal it. 

“How does it look?” she asked. I could hear the worry in her voice. The first time we had made love, I had found a fresh scar on her breast, and she had looked so humiliated it nearly broke my heart.

“It’s fine, sweetheart. Healing well,” I lied kneading the cool lotion gently into the angry red stripe. I hated lying to her, but this time the lie seemed kinder than the truth.

Her whimper of shame was muffled in the pillows. “It’s disgusting.”

“It’s not,” I insisted, finishing my massage and stoppering the bottle. “It’s proof you came back to me.” Saibra wouldn’t look at me, head buried in the pillows. I flipped her over, pinning her under me. “Does this disgust you?” I asked, pointing to the broad scar of my own that ran down my right side. She shook her head. “Or this?” The jagged star on my shoulder— another shake. “Or this?” The one I hated most, the one on my face.

“Vishante kaffas, Cullen, that’s the sexiest scar I’ve ever seen.”

I froze. Sexy? 

She pushed me off her. “Do you really not see it?” The confusion was clear in her voice, and her brow furrowed in bewilderment. “How did you get it?”

I frowned myself then. Without thinking, I traced the line of the scar through my lip. “A Templar blade, during the battle of Kirkwall. It would have been worse if Hawke hadn’t noticed and thrown a barrier over me.”

Saibra leaned over and laid a gentle kiss over it. “I’ll have to thank her. Seriously, Cullen, have you any idea what that scar does to me when you smile?” It was my turn to mutely shake my head. “It makes you look wicked, and dangerous, and oh so tempting. I just want to pull you up here and never let you leave.”

It hardly seemed possible. I was sure the first thing everyone saw when they looked at me was this hideous scar on my face. Wondered how good a soldier I could be if someone was able to do that to me. But here was the woman I loved telling me she found it… sexy? 

“Will you…” she seemed unsure again. “Would you mind… telling me about the others?”

I shook my head. “No… no, I don’t mind. The one on my side, I got in Kirkwall from a Templar recruit named Wilmod when he became an abomination. It looks bad but it wasn’t very deep. I wasn’t expecting him to turn.” I sighed and lay down on my back. Saibra curled into my side, tracing her fingers over my left shoulder.

“This one looks like an electrical burn?” 

I nodded. “Desire demon. At Kinloch.” I didn’t need to say any more. Saibra pulled me closer, hugging me tight to her. I kissed her hair, the scent of her crystal grace soap oddly comforting. “Tell me about yours. Please?” 

I felt more than saw her nod. “You know about the ones on my shoulder?” 

“From when Ostwick and Haven fell,” I agreed. The story of that first scar had been one of the first stories she told me. I treasured the memory of sitting in the logging camp outside Haven hearing her talk, not caring that I used to be a Templar.

“The one on my calf? That was from the first attempt to seal the Breach.”

I tilted my head to meet her eye. “I know you collapsed afterwards, but I didn’t think you were hurt?”

She smiled. “That pride demon was enormous, Cullen. I think it would be more surprising if I hadn’t been hurt. It caught me with the end of its whip. I was distracted trying to disrupt the Breach and I let my barrier drop.” She grinned. “If I hadn’t passed out I think Cassandra would have had my head for being so careless.”

“If I’d known, she’d have had to get in line behind me,” I retorted with a chuckle. “That’s a burn on your arm?”

“Dragon in the Hinterlands. I made the mistake of letting Dorian try to heal it on the run. I knew necromancers were crap healers. I should have done it myself or left it to Solas, but I was running low on energy— Dorian was closer.”

“And this one?” I asked, tracing my finger along the scar on her right breast.

Saibra went stiff in my arms. “I can’t. Cullen please don’t ask me about that one.”

I ran my hand up and down her back, the way I knew she found soothing. “It’s all right, sweetheart. You don’t have to tell me anything. But a wise person once told me talking is as good at healing as a potion.”

“Take my advice. I don’t need it anyway,” she muttered sourly. “Cullen…” she nestled closer. “It will upset you. You’ll be angry.”

“Saibra, you can tell me anything. It might make me angry, but it won’t stop me loving you. I promise.”

“It was on the Storm Coast. A red Templar. I hadn’t been sleeping; I was distracted. If Blackwall hadn’t tackled me out of the way, I’d be dead.”

It was my turn to stiffen. My fault. She was distracted and having nightmares because of me. I had let my withdrawal get bad, and then I’d pushed her away. She wanted to stay and help me but, Maker damn me, I had sent her away. And I had learnt nothing from it. We’d argued only that morning about my stubbornly trying to cope with my lyrium withdrawal without asking for help.

“Cullen?” Her voice was so quiet I could almost think I had imagined it, if it wasn’t for the distinct quiver that told me she was trying not to cry. 

I pulled her tighter into my arms, crushing her as if she would disappear if I let go. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, very sorry, sweetheart. I promise, I will _never_ do that to you again. I will never send you away when I need help again. I’m so sorry. Forgive me.”

She clutched me tighter too, clinging for all she was worth. “There’s nothing to forgive, Cullen. I should never have gone into a fight so distracted. I’m sorry.”

“A lesson then, for us both,” I said, taking a shaky breath. “I let you help me, and you keep coming back to me.”

“I promise.”

We fell asleep, still clinging to each other— and to that promise.


End file.
